04 dec 2011 – you will never talk to me again.

05Dec11

04 dec 2011.

today I lost a good friend. I lost my fellow music kaki and foodie. I lost my talk cock friend. I lost my tu di. I lost a whining kaki.

saw the news via twitter, was reading it and telling my friend about it. the name wasn’t mentioned then. I told her it was a pity, because the guy was only 22. little did I know it was you. just slightly before that, I was telling her about how you were doing, that you just ended your exams. I never would have thought that you had already left all of us..

a friend called. she asked if I knew you, and I still did not link you with the news. she asked if your full name was **(censoring name) and I said ya, still not sensing anything wrong. I only thought it was weird. then she asked if I knew if you collapsed at the marathon.. I said I didn’t know. and it took a whole 3 seconds for me to register that you might be that guy on the news. I didn’t want to believe, I was in denial. I thought maybe you fainted in the middle of the race, or maybe you fainted after completing the race; I gave myself all sorts of reasons and excuses to believe you weren’t that guy. then I blurted out and asked that girl if you were the one who passed on. she didn’t know; she was calling because her friend needed her help.

the first thing I did after I hung up was to call you. when the call got through my mind just went blank and I only know I just wanted to hear your voice and know that you are ok. my mind was racing as the phone rang. I wanted you to pick up the phone and say hello. my hand was shaky. then I heard a ‘hello..’, and my heart sank. she sounded so tired. I stuttered, but I guess she knew what I wanted to say anyway. she told me what happened. I didn’t say much, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to cry over the phone, because I didn’t want her to hear me crying. I was in shock. it’s just too sudden. you were gone, just like that. gone.

the last day we talked was on my birthday. we didn’t talk much, but I’m glad we were both well. that was only a week ago.

our intended htht got postponed, again and again. I was going to meet you one day when we were both free to just hang and talk for the whole day. that day isn’t coming anymore. I’m never ever going to find out everything you wanted to tell me. I’m sorry.

I remember how we got to know each other, I remember being very amused by your memory capacity, and the type of content it stored. at that point of time, I didn’t think you would become a good friend.

I remember your stories about toffee, and I’m sure he misses you. I remember how we always share good food places/lobangs, and we are not done. I remember how we always talk about food and then feel like gluttons. I remember how we always argued over the most inconsequential things, just for the fun of it. I remember how we always ask each other for new music because we felt we were outdated. I remember how you kept wanting to maintain your figure and how I kept saying you were too skinny, no figure. I remember how much you liked music, and running, and your little monster. I remember how whiny you could get over anything, and how I would always tell you to suck it up.

I like how we could talk about anything. I like how we just blabbered rubbish and we don’t even remember what we talked about. I like how we just click.I like how random we could get, and not feel weird about it.

I remember how we almost quarreled once. we were just unhappy with each other. but we didn’t have to settle it and things went back to normal. I guess neither of us wanted to spoil what we had – a great friendship. I’m glad we didn’t end up quarreling and falling out.

we were never close enough, not yet anyway.. I’m pretty sure we would have been someday. but that day will never come, not anymore. you are never going to talk to me again. but I’m really glad to have you in my life.

thankyou for being my friend. thankyou for walking into my life.

friend, rest in peace.

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  Leave a Comment